She's coming!

Ella will be here by this time tomorrow! I was due yesterday and had my weekly checkup this morning. I finally got to see Dr. Stewart today (she seems to be a popular doctor) and as usual, she was very straightforward with us - which I tend to like. My blood pressure was considerably up and according to her I am not making much progress naturally. She thought I could still be two weeks away from going in to labor! After spending the day at the hospital waiting on test results to decide if I would have her today or we could wait until tomorrow it was decided that she and I were well enough to wait one more day. While I was hopeful about a 'natural' delivery, I am surprisingly okay with the thought of another C-Section. It probably doesn't hurt that the idea of remaining pregnant for two more weeks is not at all exciting.

I guess my biggest fears with having a C-Section aren't really as much of a factor this time which is calming. After Ethan was born, I felt so weary and so miserable - largely because I was sick in addition to the surgery. Though my platelet count is down, it's not horrible and I don't have HELLP syndrome so I am thinking it won't be as tough physically.

My other fear was that I didn't feel that woo hoo bond with Ethan right away. I think this was partially because of the C-Section and partially because he was so early that I was in shock. I was thinking about this earlier this afternoon and was reading some information about bonding with your baby. I came across this: http://baby.families.com/blog/bonding-with-baby

This made so much sense to me! While I didn't bond with Ethan the way I wish I had right away, I am certainly bonded to him now. I can't imagine my life without him and am so amazed and blessed by him everyday. So it really doesn't matter that the sun wasn't instantly brighter right after I held him, it matters that it happened. Eventually I connected with my little man and that connection and is stronger than I ever imagined.

It also hasn't hurt to have gone through Gabrielle's health problems so recently. Dan was saying earlier that this week has really been a rough week for everyone and this fit right into that picture. I quickly reminded myself and him that it hasn't been rough, it's been easy. We have a wonderful, healthy and largely happy family. Everything might not always go the way we wish it would, but at the end of the day, we have everything we could ever want or need. We have each other and plenty of friends and family with whom we can share our lives. That's what's important, even if it doesn't always go the way we would prefer.

So... tomorrow we go and do it again and I am excited :) I'm nervous, but excited. Ethan is with MeMe and Dan and I are enjoying a quite evening at home and hoping for plenty of sleep - something I am sure we won't see again for quite a while. I can't wait to see what she looks like and what kind of person she is going to be :)